The Gamma-Delta chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon was forced to cancel their annual Toga Party this past weekend, after the Greek Students Association complained that it was appropriating their culture. The chapter has been struggling to find a replacement theme, as it seems everything offends someone these days.
“We throw a rager of a toga party every year, so I’m pretty bummed out,” said senior Jake Collins, who had started pre-gaming the party last Wednesday. “It’s not my fault someone’s relatives from a thousand years ago used to wear these all the time.”
“Togas aren’t even Greek, they’re Roman,” pointed out freshman history major Ryan Miller. “So doesn’t that put the Greek Students Association in the wrong?” Though Miller had a point, he’s a freshman so nobody really listened to him and the GSA chose to call him a racist, invalidating any point he might have had.
Social chair, Mike Gaskin, said the fraternity attempted to pick a different theme for the event, but was unable to find one that did not offend at least one person. “Our next thought was to try a stoplight party, wear green if you’re single, red if you’re taken,” Gaskin explained, “but the Students for Colorblind Awareness had a fit. So, we tried to switch it to a ‘Represent Your Hometown’ party, but we had a few students from Cleveland object to that. I can’t say I really blame them.”
Eventually, the chapter decided to just hold a standard party, without any theme. At press time, at least three different social justice warrior groups were meeting to see if they could take offense to that.