SpongeBob SquarePants is an immensely popular show loved by just about everyone in the college age demographic. Quotes such as “Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?” can be heard through the wall as your floormates bump uglies, while you look at the clock and say “Oh boy 3 AM!” and order some late night wings. Spongegar and blurred Krabs memes likely flood your Facebook newsfeed. You may have often wondered what fraternities the Krusty Krew would have belonged too. Or not. Probably not. Just read the article.
Larry the Lobster
Larry is about as fratty as you can get living in Bikini Bottom. He works as a lifeguard at Goo Lagoon, lifts weights, competes as a bodybuilder, and is usually seen with a swarm of girls around him. But what fraternity would Larry rush at Bikini Bottom State? Larry is cocky af, always walking around with his shirt off, and once had his heart stop due to overdosing on tanning pills. Larry is a Pike at heart, and makes sure everyone knows it.
Despite being a business owner, Plankton is not very frat. He rarely gets customers at the Chum Bucket, he fails time and time again at stealing the Krabby Patty formula, has the first name Sheldon, and he’s married to a computer. No one in their right mind would give Plankton a bid. But there is one fraternity that happens to share Plankton’s life goal of world domination; if you can’t go Greek, go TKE.
Mr. Krabs is the owner of the Krusty Krab, where he runs the joint with his two employees, cashier Squidward Tentacles and fry cook SpongeBob Squarepants. Krabs treats his workers like pledges and will do anything to make a quick buck. He once even sold SpongeBob’s soul for a mere 62 cents. Krabs does value brotherhood though, serving as a naval officer in his youth. We’d surely find Mr. Krabs playing quarters with his AEPi brothers on a Friday night.
SpongeBob is the star of Bikini Bottom, and can be described by most as an annoying but well-intentioned goober. He routinely sabotages Squidward’s hopes and dreams, cries everyday, works for slave wages at the Krusty Krab, and enjoys skipping while jellyfishing. However, SpongeBob is also a true friend who is always there for Patrick, Sandy, and even Squidward. His imagination is so vast and creative that he even managed to fool Squidward into thinking he was climbing Mount Everest while being inside a 4 x 4 cardboard box. His imagination knows no bounds, it even allowed him to once ride a unicorn. Who’s seal has not one, but two unicorns front and center? Phi Tau. SpongeBob would fit right in eating ice cream with Phi Tau brothers at Weenie Hut Jr.
Sandy is an extremely talented, well-rounded resident of Bikini Bottom, living on the outskirts of town in her self constructed Treedome. Originally from Texas, Sandy is a rocket scientist, martial artist, exceptional singer and guitar player, inventor, sandboarder, bodybuilder and competitive weight lifter. She is also a squirrel. The sisters of Alpha Gamma Delta are skilled similarly to Sandy and consist of singers, authors, state secretaries, tv personalities, etc. Their logo is also a squirrel. Though the other reasons are nice, mostly due to the squirrel logo, Sandy is an AGD.
Squidward is perhaps the most miserable person in all of Bikini Bottom. He’s shitty at everything he does whether it be painting, playing the clarinet, or dancing. He hates his low paying job making fast food, hates his neighbors, yet he thinks he’s better than everyone he comes across. Despite all this he does have a nose bigger than my dick after waking up from a heavy night of drinking, and would be cherished by his AEPi brothers.
Squilliam is Squidward’s more successful, richer counterpart who happens to own anything Daddy’s money can buy. Squilliam is an arrogant douchebag who owns a yacht, helicopter, hot air balloon with a built-in casino, etc. He also buys his friends. SigEp.
Patrick Star once complained he was angry because he couldn’t see his forehead. Patrick doesn’t have a nose. Patrick lacks any kind of common sense. Patrick lives under a rock.
Patrick is the the living embodiment of Nationals.
Gary the Snail
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy
No longer relevant, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy attempt to relive their youth by dressing up in costumes and fighting evildoers despite being old and flabby. The two heroes are a shell of their former selves and just need to move on with their lives. If Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy were fraternity brothers, they’d likely be Peter Pan alumni, showing up to parties talking about the good ole days while trying to hook up with teenagers years after graduating.