Sorority Sister Stoned To Death For Recruitment Rules Violation

Starkville, MS-Tragedy struck the Mississippi State Greek community today as sisters of the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority were forced to ritually execute one of their own sisters for bringing shame to the sorority’s name.  Shaylee Adams, 19, was found in violation of Panhellenic recruitment rules for texting a potential new member during the no-contact period before recruitment.  To restore lost honor to the chapter she was wrapped in a white sheet with the sorority symbols of the owl, key, and fleur-de-lis, buried up to her neck in the front lawn of the sorority house and then stoned to death by her sisters.

Chapter leaders shared their disappointment with the actions of their former sister, but defended their decision as necessary. “If we don’t enforce punishments for breaking the rules, we’ll lose our status as a top-tier sorority.  We can’t exclusively recruit the prettiest girls if they’re embarrassed to put Kappa Kappa Gamma letters on every form of social media and piece of clothing they own,” said chapter president Saralyn Ambrose.  

The stoning was attended by women in other sororities, fraternity members and the girl’s own family, who expressed their shock at the outcome of the decision made by the KKG executive board.  “We raised our daughter to do right and follow the rules,” said her mother Dawna Adams.  “She was a good kid, I can’t believe they had to do this to her.  I’m so ashamed.  When I was a Kappa this kind of girl wouldn’t have even gotten a bid.  What sort of child did I raise?”

“Our chapter has sluts, bimbos, cokeheads, floozies, women with loose morals, backstabbers and straight-up bitches, but this behavior is just a step too far,” commented standards chair Megan McGinley.  “Hopefully this sets an example that recruitment is infinitely more important than having self-respect or being a decent person, because Shaylee clearly didn’t get that message.”  A different KKG sister was banished to the woods a week ago for missing a mandatory recruitment meeting for the second, and apparently final, time.

At press time the Panhellenic exec board was considering having the potential new member who received the texts flogged at recruitment orientation in front of all other PNMs but still allowing her to go through recruitment.

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