Sorority Brawl Erupts After ‘My Big Is Better’ Argument

theta brawl

The beautiful house of Kappa Alpha Theta, now a war-zone between big little families.

Oxford, MS – The Kappa Alpha Theta chapter at Ole Miss is under fire this week after 5 girls were arrested Friday at an off campus party when a verbal dispute turned into a brawl.

A booze fueled argument between two Theta sorority sisters each claiming they had the best big is what led to the arrests. For the uninitiated, a sorority ‘big’ is a girl who takes special interest in a sorority freshman and does super sweet stuff like buy them worthless crafts and treats to fatten the freshmen up like their new bigs.

Of the 5 girls who were arrested, Sarah Jenkins agreed to speak with The Momus Online about the dispute, “I had been drinking a lot of Burnette’s  mixed with Sprite when I saw my super totally cute and awesome big Julia.” Sarah exclaimed with a high-pitched squeal when she mentioned Julia, “I couldn’t stop telling her how she was the best big and eventually started yelling it out at the party and that’s when Meredith decided to challenge me on who had the better big.”

After challenging Sarah, Meredith pulled out her iPhone and showed her pictures of the crafts she had received as gifts from her big, which were better than Sarah’s because Meredith’s big is a studio art major. Sarah, obviously very mad that her big had been showed up slapped the iPhone out of Meredith’s hands. That’s when the situation escalated.

“Meredith grabbed my hair and pulled me to the ground.” Sarah said, “That’s when my big joined in, followed by two of Meredith’s friends. Before long the brawl was a dozen girls throwing fists and pulling hair.”

Kappa Alpha Theta sorority sister and junior, Christina Lambert, said she tried to break up the fight since it was occurring at her boyfriend’s house and she didn’t want him to be mad. “I tried to get some boys at the party to split up the brawl but they were actually enjoying it!”

Cheers exploded from the crowd of fraternity boys who were now taking bets. Before long they were flinging beer around the fight and chanting “Tits out for the boy, I said a-tits out for the boys.”

Christina eventually was eventually able to call the police who arrived soon after the fight concluded and arrested Sarah, her big, Meredith, and an African-American sister of Kappa Alpha Theta who had not participated in the brawl. The arresting officer then shot the Theta house dog and departed.

All girls posted bail Saturday morning and were seen taking Big-Lil pictures outside the Theta house a few hours later.

Benjamin Moore

Owner, Editor in Chief at The Momus Online
Ben is the owner and editor in chief of The Momus Online. He is known for making bad satire and failing to swoon women. If you want to contact him, check out your local speed dating meet-ups or the library.

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