Sigma Phi Epsilon Posthumously Extends Bid To Harambe

CINCINNATI, OH – The Sigma Phi Epsilon chapter at the University of Cincinnati announced that they plan to give a bid to Harambe, posthumously. Several other top tier organizations also extended the gorilla a bid, including two sororities, but his former keeper at the Cincinnati Zoo said that Harambe “was totally a Sig Ep.”  

Robert Matos, president of the chapter, told The Momus “Harambe is definitely a true bro. We held a vote last Tuesday, and pretty much unanimously decided to extend him a bid. One  pledge tried to object, but he got dropped immediately.”

Every member took their dick out for the chapter’s most recent composite, out of respect, and put a picture of Harambe front in center. They sent a copy of the composite, which features over 120 dicks, to the Cincinnati Zoo, who promptly threw it out.

“We appreciate the gesture,” said Zookeeper Adrian Sutliff, “but for a variety of reasons we cannot hang a picture with hundreds of dicks in a family friendly zoo.”

The chapter did not feel the same way, and they hung their newest composite in the front and center of their house. That said, unlike the zoo, the Sig Ep fraternity house has never been described as family friendly.

Sig Ep also extended bids to Jomo and Chewie, two gorillas currently residing at the Cincinnati zoo, to round out their pledge class. The chapter wanted to move them into an open room in the chapter’s house immediately, but again Sutliff objected, claiming a frat house was not a suitable habitat for two fully mature Silverback gorillas.

We at the Momus are not biologists, but it should be noted that no gorillas have ever died at the Sig Ep house, while the same cannot be said of the Cincinnati Zoo.

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  1. In Harambe We Trust 08/13/2016

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