Student Kills Himself After Watching Yet Another Facebook Recipe Video

AUSTIN, TX – Michael Denny, a Junior at the University of Texas, was found dead in his dorm room Monday after tragically taking his own life. His body was discovered by roommate Clay Williams, who immediately alerted police and medical personnel around 5:00 p.m. Denny left a suicide note on his laptop computer, where he lamented the recent social media trend of sharing recipe videos.

“I just wanted to go on Facebook to see what my friends are up to,” Denny wrote, “who they are interning with, where they are traveling abroad, and who is taking who to date nights. But all I actually see is recipe video after goddamn recipe video.”

Friends and family told The Momus that Denny, who they call Mike, had always been on the larger side but had recently taken it upon himself to maintain a healthy lifestyle this year. An effort that quickly became in vain as foods with copious amounts of cheese populated his social media feeds.

“At first Mike was just mildly frustrated with the videos,” reports roommate Clay. “Then he started unfollowing, even unfriending repeat offenders. He even tried blocking the source pages, but more and more people started making their own recipe videos.”

The even more recent trend of crafting videos did not help Mike’s sanity either.

“While all my sorority friends are innocently preparing to spoil their littles next fall, all Mike could think of was food,” Clay tells us. “Mike started becoming furious every time he logged on. I didn’t think he’d take his frustration to such an extreme though.”

Mike was set to graduate with a degree in Computer Science next spring. He was the star left guard on his fraternity’s flag football team and volunteered at the local YMCA. An autopsy report is expected to be released later this week.

 

Gordon Sanderson IV

Just a super senior making sure the publicly educated don't run this site into the ground

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