Tuscaloosa, AL – Brennan Grady, a pledge of the Kappa Alpha Order at the University of Alabama, was blackballed during the first week of pledgeship after admitting to his pledge brothers that he went to a Bernie Sanders rally.
Brennan, who is a freshman gender studies major, was shocked that he was dropped from the fraternity. “This is complete bullshit, why are they allowed to ball me for my political beliefs?” Brennan said in an email to The Momus Online. “Just because I’m not a Trump-loving, God-fearing, dip-spitting country boy doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be a great fit in KA. Of course I lied in my interview about who I was supporting for president, but I’m from SoCal, they should have known from the start.”
“I couldn’t believe it when he told us,” said Max Goldstein, one of Brennan’s pledge brothers. “How could anyone trust Bernie with our economy? Comrade Sanders never took Econ 101 and has zero knowledge of how demand economies are structured. Hell, he’s never even had a bar mitzvah.”
The Momus Online reached out to the school’s Greek Life Coordinator, Krista Milley, who told us that she has begun working closely with the College Democrats and other student activist groups to advocate for pledge rights on Brennan’s behalf. “#PledgeLivesMatter is more than a simple hashtag, it is a student movement dedicated to helping the oppressed rise up against their oppressors. Without us, pledges and GDI’s will continue to be treated poorly by the 33%”
“I mean honestly the kid just sucked. Brennan showed up to the first pledge event wearing knock-off Sperry’s,” remarked Kappa Alpha Pledge Educator Ben Friedhelm. “When we decide who gets bids we always give one out to a squid we plan on kicking out early, so the rest of the pledges know we aren’t fucking around. In the end, Brennan was just our Bern Pledge.”