Pet Cat Elected Next Pledge Class President At TKE Chapter

VALPARAISO, IN – Just days after the shocking revelation that former Pledge Class President Kevin Mullins was only a sophomore in high school, the Gamma-Chi Chapter of Tau Kappa Epsilon made news again after their pet cat was elected the newest pledge class president.

Mittens defeated Freshman Raymond Miller on the tenth ballot to become the next president of the Alpha Alpha Class of Gamma Chi. Sources close to the chapter say that the four voting members of the Alpha Alpha Class debated for over two hours before voting ten times in order to break a deadlock between Mittens and Miller.

“I honestly forgot about them,” said New Member Educator Johnny Graham. “I went home after twenty minutes to watch TV. Interesting choice, I think Mittens is more of a symbolic choice though, Kevin [Mullins] is a hard dude to replace. It’s actually funny since we had a late addition, if we didn’t get him those kids would have had only one vote.”

Sources told The Momus Online that the rest of the Alpha Alpha Class took issue with Miller’s personality after he was voted pledge class Vice President and Treasurer. However, an anonymous member spoke to The Momus Online to reveal why the vote had taken so long.

“Ray [Miller] had been kind of a douche ever since he took over Vice-President and Treasurer. He had been talking about how he should have just been made President when Kevin left. So another guy and I decided to vote for Mittens for as long as we could until one of the other two relented. Besides, Mittens is always at the house while Ray only comes when he’s free. The rest of us study there as a group since we’re all in the same major, but since Mr. ‘Computer Engineering’ Major ‘has to be at the engineering building’ we haven’t seen him as much, so we feel that Mittens is a good choice for a leader.”

Mittens, who was taken in off the street four years ago by former Treasurer Ryan Roth, has been an active participant in the Gamma-Chi chapter. According to sources within the chapter, Mittens is a hit at parties, participates in philanthropies events, acts as a mascot for the chapter’s intramural teams and attends more chapter meeting than four members.

“I don’t understand it,” said sophomore member Tamim Atassi. “Isn’t Mittens is already an active? How can he be the pledge class president? Damn pledges….”

Mittens, who spends most of his days napping and keeping mice out of the basement of the chapter house, has been president of three of the last eight pledge classes of the fraternity.

Cam Koenig
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Cam Koenig

After spending two years as a risk manager, Cam rescued himself from the Void using a 2 liter bottle of Sprite and a handle of Seagram's 7. He emerged slightly more sarcastic than before.
Cam Koenig
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