Newest Pledge Class President At TKE Colony Turns Out To Be High School Sophomore

president tke

TKE at Valparaiso live up to their national reputation with this embarrassing move.

Valparaiso, IN – The Gamma-Chi colony of Tau Kappa Epsilon at Valparaiso University was dealt a stunning blow when it  had discovered that pledge class president Kevin Mullins was actually a student at Valparaiso High School.

“It’s a huge shock to all of us.” Gamma-Chi president Will Tucker said. “Kevin was a born leader; we saw a lot of potential in him, easily the favorite for our ‘New Brother of the Year Award’. He was the unanimous choice for pledge-class president among his peers. The other four candidates really loved him.”

The seventeen man fraternity met at an off-campus house to take in news as well as discuss options for the future.

“This is going to be a huge blow to our intramural flag football chances, “ said junior Thomas Wood. “Kevin was our quarterback. We were finally going to beat FIJI this year. I don’t know how we’ll manage without him.”

The discovery was made by new member educator Johnny Graham after he picked up Mullins at his house before a brotherhood event. “A few of the guys and I were gonna go play Magic at Greg’s and Kev [Mullins] was coming along. He was talking about a new deck and we were all super excited to see it.” Graham recounted. “But when we got to his house, his mom came outside with him and asked if I had my license for long enough to be driving people around. I thought she was crazy.”

Graham then asked Mullins about the incident, in which Mullins revealed he was a sophomore in high school, not college.

The Momus online reached out to Mullins for comment but he only said that “he thought they were just a group of guys that hung out at the comic book store”.

“We’re all just floored” Tucker commented again. “We all just thought he was a commuter.”

The colony does plan to bid Mullins in three years, if he decides to go to the university. They have also announced plans to do a more thorough check on Facebook to make sure potential new members are actually enrolled at the university.

Cam Koenig
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Cam Koenig

After spending two years as a risk manager, Cam rescued himself from the Void using a 2 liter bottle of Sprite and a handle of Seagram's 7. He emerged slightly more sarcastic than before.
Cam Koenig
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  1. PL 05/22/2016

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