Man’s Resume Consists Solely Of Fraternity Experiences

NEW YORK, NEW YORK- Ricky Chandler, Lehigh University graduate 2013, has a resume that consists solely of his experiences as member of Beta Theta Pi as an undergraduate. Chandler, despite graduating from a prestigious university, has not held a job for more than 3 months since high school, when he worked as a cashier at a local grocery store, which is a pretty sad fact. Unsurprisingly, his resume is pretty sparse on work experience.

Since graduating college, Ricky has worked several odd jobs for a few weeks at a time, such as a pizza delivery man, bellhop at a local Hampton Inn, and clerk at the DMV. Most of his income has come from selling weed in his college town of Bethlehem, PA, an experience that would be hard to put on a resume. Through these experiences, he has gathered just 8 connections on LinkedIn, a popular business networking site.

Current Beta Theta Pi brother Lance Vachris told the Momus, “Yeah, Ricky really needs to move on with his life. He really doesn’t have any steady job or income. In fact, he was short on rent earlier this year, and wound up living in the Beta house for a few months, 3 years after he graduated.”

Due to Ricky’s lack of real world experiences, his resume is based only on his time as a Beta. He cited his time as vice-social chair as an example of leadership, and claimed his ability to throw ‘bangin ragers’ would prove to be a valuable asset in any office. Back in 2009, he was ranked 3rd in his pledge class of 14, a fact which he pathetically lists on the second line of his resume. Somehow, Ricky never even decided on a major, and he graduated as ‘undeclared.’ Still, he seems to think, for some bizarre reason, that his brief stint as PR chair more than makes up for this.

Despite having received no interviews, let alone a job offer, Ricky has no intention of changing up his resume. We at the Momus suggested he at least remove the portion on his ability to shotgun a beer, and Ricky simply laughed at us. He claims he is simply waiting for the right job, and then he’s ‘all in.’ When questioned, Ricky was unable to explain what exactly the right job for him was, or what he meant by ‘all in’.

At press time, one of his pledge brothers-who was recently promoted to partner at J.P. Morgan Chase-had offered Ricky a job on Wall Street, with a salary in the low six digits.

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