Only Jewish Brother Upset, Confused At Nominations For Treasurer

The annual elections for the executive board for the Gamma Iota chapter of Kappa Sigma are fast approaching. The entire chapter is pleased with the nominations and can’t wait for the voting meeting.  Well, all of the brothers except for treasurer nominee Michael Greenberg.

Greenberg, a junior computer science major, is reportedly angry that he is constantly nominated for the position of treasurer.  He explains to The Momus Online his reason for the repeated motion by his chapter.  “They’re just nominating me for treasurer because I’m the only Jewish brother in the chapter.  And no matter how many times I politely decline the nomination, some other dipshit will do it again.”  

The running gag was started by senior Garrett Cumberland, who got the idea from a disputed Donald Trump quote.  As recalled by one of Trump’s former colleagues, it reads, “I have black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.”  

“I just thought it would be fucking hilarious.  But I only nominated him the first time, it’s not my fault the joke kept going,” remarked Cumberland.

“Garrett, or Cumbox as we like to call him, has always been a racist piece of shit,” shared president Andrew Farrell.  “I’m not gonna lie, it was a little funny the first time, but now I just feel bad for Mike.  He’s had to turn down seven requests to accept the nomination.  The chapter won’t even bother to choose anyone else.”  

“Heaven forbid they find out my dad’s an accountant,” Greenberg confided in The Momus Online.  “I don’t need to give them any more fuel to add to the dumpster fire of this election.”  

When asked by The Momus Online about the reality of Greenberg’s father being an accountant, Cumberland suddenly became busy, and was seen furiously sending a text as he hurried away.  

The Kappa Sigs will have to eventually come to a real solution, as the current treasurer is set to graduate next semester.

Toris Coolum

Toris Coolum

Toris is a junior mechanical engineering major hailing from beautiful Virginia, but trapped in Cleveland during the school year.He tends to regret almost every decision he's ever made.His idol is Jim Lahey, as his only wish is to move to Canada and get drunk every living minute of his life.
Toris Coolum

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