WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frank Oversteel, President of the D.C. Beta chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon at George Washington University, has been under scrutiny from the rest of his chapter over the amount of House of Cards he watches. Reportedly Frank has seen every episode over ten times.
“There’s what? 4 Seasons? He’s been watching it on repeat for almost three years. I’ve definitely walked in on him taking notes.” commented Director of Risk Management Hunter Stevens. “My lawyer has already prepared a will just in case anything happens to me, I suggest you get your affairs in order before you publish this article”
Frank took power last semester after former president Colt Evans mysteriously dropped out of school. A handwritten letter found in “The Oval Office”, a room that Colt and Frank shared, stated “I can’t be president anymore, Frank is in charge, goodbye.” Strangely enough, the letter wasn’t written in Colt’s handwriting, but no one mentioned it, in fear of retaliation from Frank.
Frank’s girlfriend, Claire Robertson, who is the vice president of Pi Beta Phi, recently left him after being named Delt sweetheart, a campaign that she ran against his wishes. When asked for a comment all she said was “Now tell me, am I really the sort of enemy you want to make?” According to an unnamed source close to Frank, he spent an entire week in his room “choking the chicken” after they broke up, he finally left when he ran out of cigarettes and bourbon.
“We really should have seen it coming after Frank had a threesome with Claire and a pledge who was on DD duty.” said Bill Ellert, a newly initiated brother. “Now the kid doesn’t leave Franks side, he just guards the Oval Office all day and runs errands for him, it’s really fucking weird”
When The Momus Online reached out to Frank for a comment all he said was “The road to power is paved with hypocrisy, and casualties. Never regret”
“We’ve been friends for six years, but I’m honestly afraid of going to the bars with Frank now.” lamented Frank’s pledge brother Benjamin Einar, “I definitely don’t take the metro with him anymore”