New NIC Policy Will Require Guys To Wear Body Cameras At Fraternity Parties

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Efforts to prevent sexual assault at fraternity parties has taken a dramatic turn on Friday as the North American Interfraternity Council announced a new policy that will force fraternity men to wear body cameras while at parties with girls. The NIC has teamed up with BodyWorn, a company that provides body cameras to police officers that are subsequently turned off once attached to their vest.

“The new policy is about creating a safer environment for women while also annoying men at the same time. Body cameras are only the first step in the wave of new hindrances we plan to push onto fraternities nationally,” said NIC president, Mark Schwartz, during Friday’s press conference.

This new policy will affect nearly all major national fraternities in the United States and Canada. While fraternities like Lambda Chi Alpha and Kappa Sigma have officially resigned membership from the NIC, they are likely still governed by local IFC chapters that will operate under this new policy.

Many national fraternities still affiliated with NIC have expressed their support of the changes. “I certainly  think that a guy would think twice before smashing a girl into a glass table and taking turns assaulting her with his pledge brothers,” said Sigma Phi Epsilon national president Richard ‘Balanced Man’ Bennet. “You know, unless she’s into that kind of thing,” he added.

Other fraternities are not taking too kindly to the idea of cameras filming everything. “I mean, I’m not a rapist, I get ass on the regular, I’m just worried after a couple of tugs of So-Co I may start letting the n-word rip,” said a member of Kappa Alpha Order who wished to remain anonymous. “People might think I’m a racist, which I’m not.”

One of the major topics of debate has been who will pay for the new body cameras. NIC has said they will not cover the costs and will force the fraternities to purchase the cameras and fitted body vests themselves.

“That’s a lot of money,” said sophomore Ohio State Phi Kappa Psi member. “We should be buying Xanax and Everclear for our party punch, not blowing it on stupid cameras that don’t even prove anything. I mean, that could be anyone’s hands dropping a roofie into that brunette’s drink.”

Benjamin Moore

Owner, Editor in Chief at The Momus Online
Ben is the owner and editor in chief of The Momus Online. He is known for making bad satire and failing to swoon women. If you want to contact him, check out your local speed dating meet-ups or the library.

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