7 Prep Brands That Should Pay Me To Advertise Their Apparel

All the time I see advertisements for fraternity geared apparel brands and wish that I could make money with those advertisements. Now, after making a critically unacclaimed and rarely visited satire website, I know that if I beg hard enough these companies might actually start paying me to plug their products in my articles. To help expedite this process along, I am going to compile a list of companies that should totally pay me tens of dollars to shill for them.

Vineyard Vines

brands

Vineyard Vines is probably one of the most famous and easily recognizable prep apparel brand, and as such they are probably rolling in the dough 24/7. Their clothes are very popular and they cover essentially every facet of clothing and preppy accessories. If you don’t already know about them, you’re probably a goober. Vineyard Vines doesn’t need me to advertise for them, but if they did, they would definitely be able to afford it.

Charlee Luck

brands

Charlee Luck is one of those companies that has tons of campus ambassadors that set up at football games handing out free merchandise like koozies and croakies. While they don’t pay their campus ambassadors, I’m sure they could pay me if I offered them a good price. (Literally any money at all, I’m so broke guys.) Outside of free merch at football games, they make some pretty decent t-shirts if you haven’t gone to college yet and are still in high school dreaming of slamming down brews with your bros. You can also purchase a Bow Tie and Cummerbund Set for a little less than what I spent on two tuxedos three years ago. If anyone buys that I’m pretty sure that Charlee Luck will be able to throw some cash my way, because what the hell.

Bird Dog Bay

brands

I just heard about this brand a few weeks ago while visiting a friend that works at a store that started to carry their products. They only had some bow ties, which I don’t wear because I am not 30+ and understand style, but after looking at their online catalog I found they have some great socks. Normally I don’t wear casually-formal (that’s what I’ll call them) socks but I just bought a sick pair of Cole Haan Oxford Wingtips and I need some new brown socks to wear with them. I just did a really good job talking them up, in my opinion, so hopefully they send me some money to continue doing that.

Southern Tide

brands

Southern Tide is probably the only brand that can compete with Vineyard Vines in terms of popularity. If you don’t have a little blue fish sticker on your Yeti, does it even count? No. They make a bunch of great Polo-type shirts, which is great ever since Ralph Lauren started being worn with True Religion jeans. Their belts are about as ‘Easter colors’ as it gets and really look horrible to me. If they asked me to advertise for them I would probably still talk poorly about their belts even if it meant breaching a contract. My dad’s a lawyer anyway.

Cotton and Oaks

brands

Cotton and Oaks is a pretty unheard of brand. The only reason I’ve even heard of it is because my mom bought me a shirt from them for Christmas last year, but I don’t wear it because it’s an XL and I’m a large. (I’m not that fat yet, Mom.) Anyway, this brand sell t-shirts and stuff, nothing super special about it, but they do have cotton cloves and bars on their branded gear, which is pretty dope if you ask me. They could use some advertising, so they should contact me with a nice check of $35 and new, correctly sized, shirt and I’ll see what I can do.

Dogwood Black

brands

Dogwood Black is a bow tie and tie dealer that’s focused toward fraternities. Their products usually feature a fraternity crest with their colors, which is cool if you’re into that. It’s owned by two fraternity men, so hopefully they can related to me being super broke and throw some cash my way in exchange for some mediocre plugs. They also sell t-shirts, but they’re not really anything special and as far as I can tell they aren’t comfort colors, so why buy them anyway? $18 isn’t a horrible price for a cotton long-sleeve, but then again you’ll be stuck wearing a t-shirt for a tie company which seems a little weird. Either way, hit me up if you have some petty cash or you’ve been gambling on the OKC Thunder.

Country Club Prep

brands

Country Club Prep is a brand that makes nice cotton t-shirts, but mostly just markets other brands’ apparel for a cut of the profits. Their website is covered in links and some huge banners that make it seem more like a republican politician’s website than a preppy clothing brand. Regardless, they seem like they love advertising and are super well versed in it, so I was hoping they would be kind enough to pay me to advertise for them and maybe give me some coupon codes for a True Grit pullover. Also, please post a vector version of your logo online, sheesh.

That’s the end of my list. Hopefully these companies are desperate enough to advertise through me, because I can totally make it worth their while. If you work for one of these companies, or any other company for that matter, and you actually want to do this, contact me through the form on our Contact Page.

Benjamin Moore

Owner, Editor in Chief at The Momus Online
Ben is the owner and editor in chief of The Momus Online. He is known for making bad satire and failing to swoon women. If you want to contact him, check out your local speed dating meet-ups or the library.

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